Where's the Christian in Christian Eyenga?

FreeDarko's European correspondent Julien (from 12 Stars) checks in with a report about recently drafted Euro Christian Eyenga and a dunk that may very well have upped the ante on Gerald Green's infamous "cupcake dunk."

Forget about Spike Lee, forget about Michael Mann and Paul Thomas. The future of film making lies in a Cleveland Cavaliers first round pick. On Saturday night Democratic Republic of Congo swingman Christian Eyenga turned the Spanish League (ACB) Slam-Dunk contest into a sixth grade movie contest. The DKV Joventut Badalona player (Ricky Rubio's former team) was battling with a Brit, a Lithuanian and a former Denver Nuggets second round pick whose second name consists of one 'u' and four 'l'. After going for a mighty windmill and a pretty wicked between the legs, Christian pushed things a little further.

The ACB Slam Dunk Contest has a history of producing errh...creative dunks. Former Piston Walter Herrmann dunked through a ring of fire and future Blazer Victor Claver is notorious for dunking on two baskets at the same time and putting a Sombrero on while slamming the ball. But this time Eyenga went big budget. Storyboard, supporting cast. Similar to a WWE exhibition or a Romanian porn. A cheerleader stormed on the court with a baby crying then showed Eyenga the baby burst into tears because his little teddy bear was somehow hanging on the rim. The baby did not look like this guapa. She could have been a kidnapper. You think the guy would have questioned his identity ? Instead he ran down the court with the ball, abused the rim and fetched the bear with his teeth. He then retrieved the puppet to the baby and gave a little tap that could have given the fake baby a cerebral commotion. The crowd and the jury of course loved it. And Eyenga was even given two 10.5. The 20-year old was rewarded 7.000 euros for his creativity.

What does it mean for the Cavs and the NBA? That Gilbert Arenas has some competition down the line. That Eyenga could be a retweet phenom for The Real Shaq. That there's nothing I'd like to see more than Eyenga directing future team-mate Delonte West.

Mindless Displeasures

First, read Shoals and Joey on AI’s life-altering haircut. Then, relive the parts of Saturday night’s festivities you forgot to complain about with Ty Keenan and Carter Blanchard.

Shooting Stars

Carter Blanchard: Do you think teams like the Bobcats or Grizzlies are upset that they don’t ever get to do Shooting Stars?
Ty Keenan: Shooting Stars exists to respect tradition. Greg Anthony would be great on the Grizzlies team.

CB: Is it more embarrassing for Dan Majerle or Lisa Leslie to be in the Celebrity Game?
TK: Leslie, because she still plays. Majerle is basically a celebrity now anyway. He could be on Confessions of a Teen Idol.

CB: The Spurs are pretty good. Do they practice this?
TK: It might be like the South Park episode where the good baseball teams do badly on purpose so they don’t have to keep playing.

CB: It’s a shame the Suns lost that after making the first five baskets. Majerle's halfcourt shots are impressive just because he swishes them.
TK: I also like that Leandrinho shot real halfcourt set shots. They are definitely the most FD Shooting Stars team.
CB: Great interview by Cheryl with Detroit. This win is grouped with MVPs, championships, and gold medals.
TK: Will Cheryl shave her rows now that Iverson did his?



Skills competition

TK: Did they pick four scoring point guards on purpose? Harris is probably the closest thing to a pure point guard in this group.
CB: I’m just shocked that Mo was in this and he was bitching about not being in the game. This is as prestigious, if not more so.

CB: Do you think someday kids today will look back on the TNT theme with the same nostalgia we attach to Tesh?
TK: There are too many networks with basketball these days. Plus it's hard to compete with the Pussycat Dolls.

TK: Didn’t Wade have a turnover in this last year? That’s probably when he decided to turn it on.
CB: I actually think Jason Kidd’s performance in this last year was a significant moment.
TK: Devin Harris is really dealing with those demons even though the Nets don’t have great history in this event. But Mark Cuban would still take Kidd's performance.

CB: Reggie needs to stop acting like this event that has historical significance. Although he really is perfect for pretending this matters.
TK: I’m just not sure why he keeps saying everyone is too nonchalant.
CB: What is he expecting them to do, scream?

CB: Rose is not excited that he won. He just sighed like his dad was trying to take prom pictures.

CB: Why does the Rookie Game feature incessant screams?
TK: They give seats to kids with terrible diseases.
CB: People could be getting slaughtered.
TK: Did they yell during the Celebrity Game?
CB: No.



Three-Point Shootout

CB: The three-point competition is more pressure than taking game-winners, according to Reggie.
TK: Kapono will win because this is all he does. I’m not sure he knows this is different from a real game.
CB: Do you think he insists on practicing this during the season? They try to run plays and he says “No, I need to work on my moneyball!”

TK: Kenny just called Roger Mason ashy.

Carter’s internet dies for a while

TK: Cook and Lewis tied! More boring shooting!
TK: With two Florida teams in blue and red jerseys, this is like the recount.
TK: There is nothing more depressing than talking to yourself about the Three-Point Shootout on Valentine’s Day.

TK: Reggie definitely makes all-star scrapbooks. The dunk contest is one page in each, but the three-point competition takes up fifteen.

Dunk contest begins

CB: "To me, it’s gonna be all about his props" is proof positive that Reggie should be fired.
TK: Reggie asks for Carrot Top's autograph at every celebrity game.



TK: Cedric Ceballos being a judge gives us a peek at how the NBA would deal with PEDs.

CB: That first dunk by JR was awesome. Has anyone ever done a double-bounce before on the toss?
TK: No, yet he got pretty bad scores. I fear what’s to come.

TK: What’s with Rudy’s jersey? Is that a LaRue Martin reference?
CB: Are people booing Rudy? That dunk was awesome. How is that just a 42?
TK: Oh, Fernando Martin. I still like it as a LaRue reference. And these judges are xenophobic.

CB: Nate gets way too much credit for being short. He did the same thing as JR with one fewer bounce and not on the first try, but he got better scores.
TK: Kenny says it’s for extension. Apparently the dunk contest is now gymnastics.
CB: I hate short people.

TK: Why is Pau helping Rudy? Sergio Rodriguez must be crying right now.
CB: This dunk is taking way too many tries.
TK: They are arrogant like the Spanish Armada.
CB: Why wouldn’t he do the foot thing?

CB: I know people who did Nate’s boost dunk in middle school.
TK: He's totally pandering. Maybe Dwight will dunk off a ladder to show that he's tall.

CB: Isn’t it against the rules for Dwight to dunk on a non-regulation rim?
TK: That is not 12 feet.
CB: Why are they acting like it isn’t common knowledge that he can dunk 12 feet? And why are they letting him use so many props? I’m so angry.

TK: Nate is wearing green because he’s doing something involving a leprechaun. Oh wait, it’s for kryptonite.
CB: I’m just angry. I can’t enjoy this.
TK: Nate is the guy from Superman IV.



CB: Reggie thinks the free-throw dunk from a 6'11'' guy won’t look good.
TK: Wasn’t that just the Superman dunk last year?

CB: I’m done with Nate Robinson. JR had the best dunk.
TK: Cheryl asked him what his strategy was. That’s easy: “I am short.”

TK: That was identity politics at its worst.