In typical FD fashion, we decided to chat the NBA Draft Lottery, but not the first game of Nuggets/Lakers. Shoals had zingers galore, Ty Keenan dropped PAC-10 knowledge, Dr. LIC made several WILD-ASS claims, and I took dictation.
Shoals: What would make this lottery exciting? I think if a team jumped, I'd be yelling like a cow. Could anything else?
Ty Keenan: If we're going for drama, there is a potentially interesting situation if the Warriors get #2, because Dan Fegan is Rubio and Al Harrington's agent.
Recluse: Who gets Rubio is the most (only?) exciting thing about this draft.
Shoals: Ricky Rubio has a woman's desperation in his eyes
Dr. LIC: Ricky Rubio's nickname is FOOLZ GOLD.
Shoals: Is there any chance David Stern doesn't have mob connections? I mean, really.
Recluse: "We never lose date smackdowns"!!!!!!
Shoals: What else makes a man that short that confident?
Recluse: A HUGE COCK
Shoals: Welcome to the terrordome. I mean, synagogue.
Shoals: Are there still actual balls?
Ty Keenan: I think it's numbered balls that come out in a sequence, and the sequence corresponds to a team.
Shoals: That sounds like some crazy robot shit, not a bingo machine.
Recluse: Brandon Jennings's Twitter is the best thing ever, by the way.
Shoals: I just realized that his Twitter actually is an oracle of sorts tonight.
Recluse: Brandon Jennings is smart. I kind of can't believe he got an SAT score red-flagged. Maybe he got a legitimately high score? Check it:
"Most Important thing about the Draft/NBA, Get on a TEAM that fits your game and kill those 3yrs and GET THAT Big 2nd contract! O yea and WIN"
Shoals: Webber would pretend he can eat a giant hamburger.
Dr. LIC: Sacramento is poised to blow next year. that is a prime coaching job.
Recluse: Wait until the lottery. There are very few game-changers in this draft.
Shoals: Magic and Bird need to be on a "Golden Girls" remake.
Shoals: How much better would this Heinekin ad be with a Kool G Rap song?
Dr. LIC: No white girl knows the non-chorus words to "Just a Friend."
Shoals: Sometimes, JVG props his chin up on his mic. JVG doing "One Mic" in hip-hop karaoke is funny to me.
Shoals: Is this a new scary Jew? Did that guy take the place of Adam Silver?
Dr. LIC: Bilas is already convinced Derozan won't be picked early enough.
Shoals: Bilas is still trying to atone for Josh Smith.
Recluse: Hey, Ty Keenan, is Harden really a better NBA prospect than Derozan?
Ty Keenan: He's just more polished, but Derozan's ceiling is much higher
Shoals: POLISHED LIKE A SEAL
Ty Keenan: Anyway, Harden plays sorta like Roy did towards the end of his time at U-Dub, but not nearly as consistent and just worse in general.
Shoals: What does Blake Griffin do in the dark that determines his greatness? Shit like a horse?
Dr. LIC: Wait, Bilas literally has Curry in the top ten? Curry is the next Redick.
Recluse: Does Brandon Jennings have a draft suit advantage since HE LIVES IN ITALY?
Dr. LIC: Lakers are a terrible matchup for Denver. Nugs could beat anyone in the East though.
Recluse: Nuggets would not beat Cavs, dude, come on.
Dr. LIC: The matchups completely favor the Nuggets: Melo cancels out Lebron (bold statement). Dahntay Jones would guard James, too. One-on-one. Billups > Mo Williams. Nene/Birdman >>>>>> ENERGY>>>>> Z and V. Melo is sneakily unguardable.
Ty Keenan: Lebron is loudly unguardable.
Shoals: This isn't worth getting into.
Dr. LIC: C-Webb at the Kings seat is sadder than Jesus at the last supper.
Shoals: In what capacity does C-Webb rep the Kings? Did he retire a King?
Dr. LIC: Also, IF THEY DONT GET THE FIRST PICK it's all his fault why would you put him through that?
Shoals: This is the lamest party in the world.
Dr. LIC: Thorn can't lose. Oh shit: Thorn vs Colangelo in a battle of CANT LOSING!
Ty Keenan: Why is Reggie Jackson a good luck charm?
Shoals: Reggie will work for cereal.
Dr. LIC: Reggie's ego gets him into everything.
Recluse: Kevin Love looks like he's primed for his confirmation.
Ty Keenan: If Silver is there, then who was the other Jew?
Recluse: N: "Who is that ghoul?"
Dr. LIC: Adam Silver is Stern's goon.
[It is revealed that Sacramento has the #4 pick, precipitating various exclamations, many profane.]
Ty Keenan: This is so sad for Webber.
Shoals: They probably hired him to come on because they know he can take it. What hasn't that man been through or been blamed for?
Shoals: When doesn't the #1 overall matter? When the Clippers get it!
Dr. LIC: Griffin is doomed.
Ty Keenan: This guy has definitely never been on tv before.
Recluse: He's never talked to a girl before.
Shoals: He doesn't own a phone.
Dr. LIC: He owns a non-mobile phone.
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